MY PMDD STORY
I have a mood disorder and it is one that is not widely known about. In fact, many doctors misdiagnose women with PMDD because the research is still ongoing. I have been misdiagnosed many times, unfortunately, but I know what it's like to have PMDD take over your entire life. It has manipulated my thoughts, my feelings, and my actions. However, I am more than my PMDD. This is crucial to remember. There are so many intricacies to each human being that it would be near impossible to sum up a person's identity with only a handful of descriptors. The sooner I realized my own complexities, the multi-facets, and beauty that lies within, the sooner I realized that I don't have to allow PMDD to control me. I use to be scared to tell people about PMDD because of the rejection I went through. I was fearful (and sometimes still am) that any new friends I made would leave. I'm usually the "counselor" in my own friendships and I hate when I can't be of help or service to others. However, I am here to be an advocate for other women suffering and to bring light to this subject. I've been to doctors who do not even believe PMDD is a real thing, and that is such a lie. It is real. You are not crazy. I am not crazy. We have a chemical mood disorder that is caused by the imbalance of hormones during our natural cycle. There are not a lot of medical/scientific answers as to why PMDD exists, but there are plenty of things that we can do to help ourselves. We know ourselves and our bodies better than anyone else.
I was diagnosed with PMDD in 2005 at the age of 21 years old. Since then, I have been on a whirlwind of a journey. The first several years were nothing short of hellashish (and that's putting it lightly). I was in and out of the ER 10+ times in 2006 alone. The reason was because I was put on many different medications and my body reacted to the medications in a very negative way.
There was a lot going on in my life (and still is) when I was first diagnosed. I was dealing with the fact that I am a TCK (third cultural kid) and didn't feel like I belonged in my passport country. I was young and trying to figure out what I wanted to do with my life all while my family was half way around the world. Then my parents left the one place I knew as my home the longest and now live in Germany. Stress plays a HUGE role in PMDD sufferers! I believe now the stress caused from the separation anxiety of my parents leaving my home and me feeling I had no roots was what pushed me into having full blown PMDD. I had always had mood swings around that time of the month, but they began to be much more severe. I was angry all the time. I would have out of control screaming, crying, flailing fits. And I was exhausted all the time. I literally felt like I was going crazy...and because I was going to school at a Christian college, they thought I was going crazy too (and even thought I was demon-possessed). Needless to say I lost all of my friends and support group that I had developed for the past 4 1/2 years. I was scared and I was alone.
After struggling with doctors, medication, and a multitude of bad coping mechanisms, as well as going through probably the darkest and scariest times of my life, I decided to wean myself off all medication and my husband and I moved to where his family is in 2008 since my family lives all over the place. I went three years medication free, but have since been trying to find the right fit for my hormones. Birth control does not work. Many different anti-depressants do not work. So far, my only success has been a low dose of Fluoxetine, changing my diet (less sugar, less carbs, better fats and vitamins), incorporating exercise, and learning to deal with stress! It's an on-going battle.
ABOUT MY BLOG
This blog is a place for me to be me. To express myself during my bad times. To express myself during my good times. To hopefully encourage others with what I feel to be beneficial. To offer some resources, because I am in no way an expert...just a person that deals with life's ups and downs and to share what has and has not worked for me.
