May 19, 2011

No more holding back

Posted by Megzy at 5/19/2011 0 comments
I've been very silent about my struggles with PMDD over the past 6 years. And now all I can do is ask myself why? I see other people advocating for things they deal with...whatever it is. I've watched my mother excel at her goals with weight loss. Has it been easy? No way! Has she been embarrased along the way, I'm sure she has. But I know other people have benefited from her successes.

I've revamped my blog and its a new beginning; a fresh start to say I am not afraid to share my story anymore. Whether its uncomfortable or not. Whether people leave my life or not. This is something I deal with and will probably always have to deal with (until menopause) and I want my voice, my story, to be heard! It's time to stop holding back out of fear.

I hope you'll join me along my journey.

May 18, 2011

Developing Self-Esteem

Posted by Megzy at 5/18/2011 0 comments
I had the chance to take a self esteem in leadership class this past semester and I wanted to compile some thoughts of my own along with other sources to create a helpful list for developing one's self-esteem.

Being a person that deals with PMDD and the depression, anxiety, etc that comes with it, I know first hand what low self-esteem looks and feels like. I've "worn" low self-esteem for a very long time and its detrimental. Just like depression, PMDD causes a cyclic feeling of lows. However, it comes much more often than actual depression. With that, its hard to continue to stand on your own two feet and get through the days after being down in the dumps. I know for me, I've asked "why" for so many years and have felt stuck more times than not. I've been hurt many times in my past and a lot of times, low self-esteem is developed from past hurts. We have a tendency to hold onto horrible things and lies that were fed to us at a young age (or perhaps even more recent). Being a woman, we want to be loved, adored, cherished, and feel like we're safe. When those things have been compromised, low self-esteem seems to develop.

Perhaps you were told you were no good or that you would never amount to anything when you were a child. Perhaps you were, at one time or another, in a toxic relationship where you were taken advantage of or just treated like crap. Or perhaps you have an illness/disorder, like I do with PMDD, that causes you to question your worth. Perhaps its a combination of all the above or perhaps your situation is completely different. Whatever your situation is and whatever has caused the low self-esteem, the first step to developing a healthy sense of self is wanting to be in a better state.

I am in no way a doctor or licensed to give advice, but I do have experience living and dealing with a chemical imbalance and have lived through the detriments that it causes. I am trying to live out a positive lifestyle for myself and I hope to pass along the good that comes from it.

The list you will find below has been complied from various places. Some items come from this book, Self-Esteem: A Proven Program of Cognitive Techniques for Assessing, Improving, and Maintaining Your Self-Esteem, that was used in the class I took, some come from this website, but a majority come from my own opinions, ideas, and things that I've tried for myself.






  • PUT YOU FIRST: This can seem so hard. Often times we put others wants and needs ahead of our own and forget about yours truly. I use to get myself into toxic relationships where I constantly put others before myself all of the time. It became very unbalanced. I was hurting more times than helping them or myself. So my advice, put you first. Nobody knows you like you do. Treat yourself the way you would your best friend or child if they were going through a hard time (or whatever you're feeling/needing at that specific moment in time). Perhaps a little twist in the old golden rule: Do unto yourself as you would do unto others....During my bad week(s), I have to take time out for me. I'm honest with myself and with those around me. Others may not like it or understand it at first, but they will learn if they truly care about you. Try not to let it make you feel guilty. If people around you still make you feel guilty, then it may be time to reevaluate the relationship. Which brings me to my next point...





  • GED RID OF THE NEGATIVE IN YOUR LIFE: Whether its a negative relationship, negative friends, negative work environment, negative food/drink, negative talk. Now I'm not saying if its bad just to throw it out. There may be some things that are salvageable, but if its toxic...if its affecting you every day in every way, that's not good and it needs to get out of your life.


  • A big part of this is negative self-talk. We have this little (or maybe its a big) critic in our head ready to pounce anytime we screw up. Ready to tell you all your failures. Ready to lie to you over and over again. Negative self-talk typically shows itself as a permanent statement. I am so stupid. I am the worst person in the world. Not only is it permanent, it is a generalization. Not just a bad person, but the worst person in the whole world. These are just examples. So how to start to change that...




  • REPLACE WITH POSITIVE: The website listed above states that "You can't think two thoughts at the same time. When you are thinking a positive thought about yourself, you can't be thinking a negative one." Well that's reassuring!! So, try to introduce happy, positive words into your everyday language and watch how the start to wiggle their way into your thoughts.

    For negative self-talk, try to not use words that are permanent - that sign, seal, and stamp the deal. Try not to use never, can't, won't. Instead, replace with what you are. It may seem silly at first, but try it. For example, I am good. I am loved. I am safe. I am a hard worker. I am a dedicated wife/girlfriend/friend. I am good at telling jokes. Anything else that is positive. It may be small at first because the negative talk has taken such precedence in your life for so long. Be aware that as you try this, the negative self talk will try to overpower the positive...but keep at it because remember, no two thoughts can occupy your mind at the same time!

  • Another way to replace positive with negative is to think about something that you are so proud of. Maybe the birth of a child. Maybe a praise you got on the job. Maybe an awesome craft you made. Maybe the fact you graduated (that's mine!). Whatever it is, think about it. If possible, display it so you can not only think about it, but you can physically see it manifested. Let it fill you up. Feel the proud. Feel the accomplishment.

    Surround yourself with people that like you and treat you well. If you don't have any right now, be patient. Find ways to make new friends if all of yours are toxic. I had to do just that. I lost almost all of my friends, but I realized the majority were toxic. It took some time to develop new ones, but the opportunity will arise...if it doesn't, go to where you can make an opportunity (like a gym).
    Read quotes that are inspirational. Discover what makes you feel happy and apply it.

    Children are attracted to color and lights; it brings an instant smile to their faces. Tap into your inner child. Find something colorful, sparkly, or that is full of light. Create colors if you want.





  • MAKE AFFIRMATION LISTS: This one also comes straight from the website, but I really like the idea. I use to write affirmations on my mirror so that I had to read them when I got out of the shower or when I looked at myself in the mirror in the morning.

    Making lists, rereading them often, and rewriting them from time to time will help you to feel better about yourself. If you have a journal, you can write your lists there. If you don't, any piece of paper will do.

    Make a list of:
    At least five of your strengths, for example, persistence, courage, friendliness, creativity

    At least five things you admire about yourself, for example the way you have raised your children, your good relationship with your brother, or your spirituality

    The five greatest achievements in your life so far, like recovering from a serious illness, graduating from high school, or learning to use a computer

    At least 20 accomplishments - they can be as simple as learning to tie your shoes, to getting an advanced college degree

    10 ways you can "treat" or reward yourself that don't include food and that don't cost anything, such as walking in woods, window-shopping, watching children playing on a playground, gazing at a baby's face or at a beautiful flower, or chatting with a friend

    10 things you can do to make yourself laugh

    10 things you could do to help someone else

    10 things that you do that make you feel good about yourself





This is just a start to help you develop your self-esteem. Let me know if you've tried any of these techniques or if you have any others to share. I wish you luck and lots of love on this journey.









May 13, 2011

Creativity

Posted by Megzy at 5/13/2011 0 comments
It always seems to be after the storm passes that my creative gears start twisting and turning. I have a deep desire to conquer the world, but not in the sense of obtaining power over people. Conquering the world, to me, means instilling power in others; enabling others to know what good they are capable of; what awesome abilities they have to do and to create.

I believe that is why the arts are so powerful. You’re taking nothing and making it into something. You can take a blank piece of paper and fill it with wondrous, fanciful things. You can take a piece of wood or metal, blow through it and create beautiful tones and luscious harmonies. You can take a body and make it move in a way that tells a wonderful or tear-jerking story. There are so many other things that we can take and make into something else. To create is so powerful. It instills a sense of imagination; a way for your mind to play. By taking things that seemingly have no real use and transforming it into something beautiful and useful gives me such a sense of hope for better things to come.



Then I get discouraged because I feel like its all been done before. What could I throw in the pot to spice things up? What could I add to the mix to make things more colorful? What can I do that hasn’t been done before?

Even though I get discouraged, I still want to try. I’m striving for something better – to create something better – to motivate someone for better – to tweak something for the better. Ideas are bubbling and bursting in my mind constantly. I only wish I could hold onto one, make it concrete, and form it into something a tad more tangible. It’s that darn Idealist in me!!



I have a couple of things up my sleeve that I’ll be sharing soon. For now, though, I would love to know and hear your thoughts on the following questions. What are some things you would like to do better? What is something that you would like to create?
 

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