April 27, 2011

Walk the Talk

Posted by Megzy at 4/27/2011 2 comments
I've been writing a lot about positivity and how to make it relevant and applicable. I even wrote a blog about the power of your words and how to talk effectively to change bad habits of thinking, but I'm learning that words alone aren't always enough. I'm learning that your actions have to convey what your words are saying.

Some people know how to use words to their benefit. They speak eloquently and with fervor and when they say things, we think they have it all together. However, when other's words and actions don't line up, we feel a sense of violation. We feel "had". It may even become a "boy who cried wolf" situation and we lose a lot of respect for those people. I'm sure we've all encountered situations like that - I know I have, but how often do we step back and take a moment to examine our own actions and how they line up with what we say? How often do we examine if we're falling into the same pretense?

I've done just that recently and realized I've had little to no motivation to put into action any of my positive thinking. Instead, I've let my circumstances beat me down until my old ways of thinking, talking, and doing creep back up. I'm trying not to whine about "how hard it is" or that "I can't do it". Instead of negative talk, I just don't say anything at all. But, honestly, I ask myself how conducive is that really. What am I doing to put forth my plan for positivity? Not much lately...

Not saying or doing anything at all can be just as bad as negative talk, and here is the reason why.

Negative talk means you're moving, but usually in the wrong direction. Not saying or doing anything means you're stagnant; you're not progressing forward. It's good to sometimes be still and assess the situation before moving forward, but I've made a plan and my actions are not lining up with my words. So, how the heck do I do this? I've chosen a couple of quotes to help me answer this question.

"Life is like riding a bicycle - in order to keep your balance, you must keep moving." ~Albert Einstein~


"There is no one giant step that does it. It's a lot of little steps." ~Peter Cohen~


"The elevator to success is out of order. You'll have to use the stairs... one step at a time." ~Joe Girard~

The journey of a thousand miles must begin with a single step. ~Chinese Proverb~

I guess what I'm seeing with these quotes is that there does have to be an action, a movement, but that action does not have to be giant or monumental. No, its quite the opposite. Little steps. Baby steps. I had forgotten that was part of the plan.

I keep saying how much I want to lose weight, and then I sit on the couch every night when I get home. I keep saying how much I want to be positive, and then I complain and gripe about things that irk me every chance I get. I keep saying how I want deep meaningful friendships, but then I cancel on people left and right. I keep saying how I want to develop my relationship with God, but I struggle to read my bible. So.....are my actions lining up with my words? Not really. It's a learning process and I'm gonna start one step at a time.

Wish me luck as I begin to not just talk the talk, but learn to walk the talk one baby step at a time.

April 19, 2011

Optimism versus Hope

Posted by Megzy at 4/19/2011 0 comments


Optimism -- "to expect the most favorable outcome"

Optimists and their counterparts, pessimists, are always looking at things, events, situations and perceive them with an either sunny-side up or runny-side down sort of attitude.

You've heard the old adage, "is the glass half-full or half-empty" and the optimist would chime in "half-full!" while the pessimist would lament "half-empty....sigh....". But what happens when there is no water in the glass at all? Or what happens if the glass shatters?

What I'm getting at is that both optimists and pessimists look at life based on facts and their reality. I would absolutely encourage people to have more of an optimistic point of view rather than pessimistic. However, there comes a point in all of our lives when we face harsh realities. Some more than others.

Some deal with chronic sickness. Some deal with the death of loved ones. Some deal with abuse from the past (or even present). Some deal with every day stress. Some deal with feeling absolutely no control over their lives. Whatever it is you have dealt with or still deal with, it is your reality and there are just some things in life we cannot look upon in an optimistic way.

And that is where hope comes into to play.

Optimism is based on the physical evidence. Hope is based on things that are not seen. Hope is faith driven; hope is a desire to want better. Hope is a desire to believe there is better regardless of how the situation actually looks. You can change your attitude and you can change your mindset, but without prefacing hope - optimism will never exist. Or if it does, it will soon tire because this world is full of harsh realities. Even the best optimist will grow weary in their positive outlook without hope.

"Hop" is apart of hope. A hop. A jump. A leap.

Hope is a leap of faith. Without it, despair and depression will take over. With it, we can turn our wants and desires to live a healthy, happy life into reality.

April 15, 2011

I'm an Idealist, what are you?

Posted by Megzy at 4/15/2011 1 comments
I was thinking about creating a new blog of all self-assesement tests and this was the first blog to be written, but I said....nnnaaaahhhh...so I moved it over here. Hope you enjoy :)

If you haven't already taken the Myers-Briggs personality test, you can still do so here.
I'm an ENFP. According to David Keirsey, PHd., I fall into the line of being an Idealist.

I'm a huge Alice in Wonderland fan and the newest Tim Burton version that came out in 2010 portrays several characters into each of the four quadraints of Keirsey's Tempermants. Feel free to click on the title to read more about yourself. I'm just listing the core elements of each along with the Myers-Briggs personality types that fall under each.


GUARDIAN

Before you get your panties in a knot, you have to know that Guardians aren't bad. Even though a guardian is displayed as the mean Red Queen in Tim Burton's version of Alice in Wonderland, guardians are very good at directing and keeping people safe.

Core qualities
*Guardians pride themselves on being dependable, helpful, and hard-working.
*Guardians make loyal mates, responsible parents, and stabilizing leaders.
*Guardians tend to be dutiful, cautious, humble, and focused on credentials and traditions.
*Guardians are concerned citizens who trust authority, join groups, seek security, prize gratitude, and dream of meting out justice.

ESTJ (Superivsor)
ISTJ (Inspector)
ESFJ (Provider)
ISFJ (Protector)


ARTISAN Such a great heroine. An adventurer at heart. Always seeking new and creative ways to do something.

Core qualities
*Artisans tend to be fun-loving, optimistic, realistic, and focused on the here and now.
*Artisans pride themselves on being unconventional, bold, and spontaneous.
*Artisans make playful mates, creative parents, and troubleshooting leaders.
*Artisans are excitable, trust their impulses, want to make a splash, seek stimulation, prize freedom, and dream of mastering action skills.

ESTP (Promoter)
ISTP (Crafter)
ESFP (Performer)
ISFP (Composer)


IDEALIST
You either loved these two or they got on your nerves. Keep in mind all of these characters are an absolute exaggeration of the tempermant types. These two, the White Queen and the hound dog, just wanted things to come together in harmony and were the "family-oriented" type. Don't hate, cuz I fall into this category :)

Core qualities
*Idealists are enthusiastic, they trust their intuition, yearn for romance, seek their true self, prize meaningful relationships, and dream of attaining wisdom.
*Idealists pride themselves on being loving, kindhearted, and authentic.
*Idealists tend to be giving, trusting, spiritual, and they are focused on personal journeys and human potentials.
*Idealists make intense mates, nurturing parents, and inspirational leaders.

ENFJ (Teacher)
INFJ (Counselor)
ENFP (Champion) (pssst...this is me!!!)
INFP (Healer)

RATIONALS I'm sure we've all encountered a rational. The ones that are fabulous at coming up with answers to complex problems. Super curious. I love the irony in the fact that Tim Burton made the Mad Hatter a rational :)

Core qualities
*Rationals tend to be pragmatic, skeptical, self-contained, and focused on problem-solving and systems analysis.
*Rationals pride themselves on being ingenious, independent, and strong willed.
*Rationals make reasonable mates, individualizing parents, and strategic leaders.
*Rationals are even-tempered, they trust logic, yearn for achievement, seek knowledge, prize technology, and dream of understanding how the world works.

ENTJ (Fieldmarshal)
INTJ (Mastermind)
ENTP (Inventor)
INTP (Architect)

So, do you think Tim Burton did a good job of displaying Keirsey's 4 temmpermants in these 4 characters? Can you see yourself in the character in which you fall into the same category? Let me know what you think?

Because, afterall, it's all about you, don't you know?!

April 11, 2011

Positivity is a Choice

Posted by Megzy at 4/11/2011 0 comments
Even when you're trying to be positive, you will still have your down days. You will still have things - life - stress thrown at you, but positivity pays off in the end. You are not only changing your mindset, you are also changing your lifestyle.

I don't FEEL positive, but I'm choosing to be positive. I don't FEEL happy, but I'm choosing to acknowledge the good in my life. I don't FEEL the change, but I believe it's coming.

Do you see the real enemy? Or at least its my enemy...FEELINGS. In an earlier post I discussed how I clung to my feelings because they were the only things that made me believe I was alive. When I was put on all kinds of medication, I couldn't feel anything and I told myself that I would much rather feel than to go through life numb. Some feelings are good, but too many can drown you.

I equate it to watering a plant. Some water is good and you need it to sustain life to the plant. However, too much water will inevitably kill the plant.




My feelings have been drowning me. They have been suffocating me. I recognize that I am among the type that are more emotional on the outside and express those emotions a lot more freely than others, but just as much as I have a lot of feelings, those people that don't have enough or express any emotions will hurt their "plant" just as easily as having too many.

It's all a balancing act, really. It's easier said than done. So where does the balance come into play? It comes from choosing to be positive. You don't have to be annoying about the positivity. And its not a disservice to your true self. That is something I had to (and am still having to) allow myself to understand. I thought the universe ethics police would come knocking at my door if I were to *gasp* not tell the truth about how I was really feeling!

You don't have to lie. You just have to make a choice about how you WANT to feel and then put that into action.

First step is, it is a choice.

Nobody is making you choose to be happy. Nobody is making you choose to be negative. You're at a fork in the road. Which one do you choose?

April 8, 2011

Plan for Positivity

Posted by Megzy at 4/08/2011 1 comments
I've been very down lately. And I'm tired of being down. I'm tired of wallowing.

Do not get me wrong. I completely, 100% accept that I have a hormone imbalance that jades my thoughts and effects my emotions, however I want to stop asking why and start moving forward. Also I want and need to realize this is only one aspect of who I am - not the whole.

What helped me out of my mood yesterday was a combination of a couple of things.

I've been listening to stories about others who aren't doing anything with their lives. They are completely "content" in their misery. Then I've listened to others around me and how NEGATIVE they are about EVERYTHING. Lastly, I've been hearing and seeing glimmers of hope and positivity everywhere I turn. Out of those three, I would like to contribute the last thing to the world. Not more stagnation. Not more negativity. Not more hopelessness. More positivity. More life. More hope. More good.




No more Negative Nancy!




To aid with this I have a plan (SHOCKER ~ yes I know! It's me, the one who never plans for anything). My plan is as follows:


1.Say Thank You --- And Mean It!
To a compliment, to someone who did something genuinely nice for you, to someone who may not deserve it, and lastly to yourself. Say thank you. We often give thanks at Thanksgiving. We recognize the things that we are grateful for and then eat a big meal. But what if we looked for the things to be grateful for and things to give thanks about every day?
Start small. Baby steps. Find three things to be thankful about each day. After a while, it will become like second nature and thankful, grateful thoughts will fill your mind quickly and with ease.


2.Seek out Hope and Inspiration
You know that old saying, when you have nothing good to say, don't say anything at all? I've kinda been doing that with a twist. When I'm down or in a foul mood, sometimes (though not all of the time, remember baby steps) instead of voicing my complaint I find an inspirational quote that will help me through the day. The more good and hopeful we put in, the more good and hopeful we'll get out.







3.Lend a Helping Hand
I try to look for at least one opportunity each day to be a Good Samaritan for someone else. Whether it be something small like smiling at someone who looks down or just because, or complimenting a person -- to something a little bigger like helping someone on the side of the road or blessing a person with money. Whatever it is, just do something! Acts of altruism are the fastest way to feeling better about yourself and the world we live in. Volunteering is also another great way to lend a helping hand. I've recently started volunteering for a Reading for the Blind Service and I've met the neatest, most kind-hearted people who fight life with such fervency despite their disabilities. It's a beautiful thing to be able to give your time and talents to those who need it and even more to those who need it and haven't asked for it.



4.Be the Better Influence This is actually a combination of Gandhi's quote "Be the change you wish to see in the world" and the commercial against drugs that says "be above the influence".
There are natural leaders and followers in all of us. Sometimes we would rather be a follower than a leader, but I encourage you as I encourage myself to be a better influence to those around you. If people are speaking negatively, speak positivity into their lives. You don't have to do it in a "I'm better than you" way. If someone is doing something you don't agree with - don't follow their actions. We teach this value of integrity to children all the time, but yet often forget how to apply it to our own lives.
This point is not to say that I'm BETTER than anyone else, but rather I'm CHOOSING ACTIONS THAT ARE BETTER SUITED TO LIVE A POSITIVE AND HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. Does that make sense?

April 7, 2011

All I do is ask Why

Posted by Megzy at 4/07/2011 0 comments
I had an episode last night. Yes, a full blown panicky PMDD episode. I tried to contain it. I was exhausted and I just wanted to lay my head down to rest - to get some sleep. But it overcomes me. The sadness, the fear. I cover my ears and I just start screaming and crying. I can't breathe. I can't escape. I try to calm myself down in my mind, but its no use when you're in the midst of the storm.

And all I can do is ask why.

Why did I lose so much of my life. Why was I put on medication that was wrong for me. Why am I still going through this. Why am I not strong enough. Why am I a freak. Why am I acting like this. Why am I not any better. Why?

I cannot move ahead because I want an explanation. I've realized its not because I lost my home or because I lost all my friends at my first college. Of course those things have been difficult to deal with, especially the latter. It's because I don't understand it and I can't rationalize it - most especially when I'm in the middle of it. And I want to know why. I want to know what the purpose of this is. I want to know why so I can move forward.

But what happens if I never know why? Will I always be stuck in the "deer in headlights" surprise mode every time this comes upon me? That's how it feels! I switch from being able to handle things and go through life and deal with stresses to being knocked flat on my face by the pain, the agony, the depression, the emotions, and the thoughts.

And I'm tired. Because I WANT to move ahead. I'm not even angry at the moment that when I've reached out for help people turn the other way. I've gotten use to people not understanding. Doctors still don't really understand. It seems so easy to say here take birth control. Or here take an anti-depressant. Those things make it WORSE! Yes WORSE than what I'm dealing with now.

And because I ask why, I am stuck. I want help. I want people to know this is real. This is not pretend or in my head or an outburst for attention. There are other women suffering just as much as I am! But they may be keeping quiet because they don't know why they act this way either. They are scared. I'm scared, too.

PMDD causes shame and confusion. It causes us to withdraw. It causes heartache and ruins relationships. It causes people to turn their back on you because they don't understand. We don't always understand either! We are not crazy. It's a hormonal imbalance that wrecks havoc on our lives. It is miserable. And there is only so much one person can do.

I don't know why. I don't know if I'll ever know why. But I still ask it every single day.

April 6, 2011

So close, yet so far

Posted by Megzy at 4/06/2011 0 comments
I'm doing everything within my power not to give up for good at this point. It may not seem like it, but I've been fighting so hard lately. I am SO sad its ridiculous. I don't feel like anyone understands.

I wish more than anything I could have energy. I wish more than anything I could find the positive in everything. I wish more than anything I could hold normal conversations with people and not think I'm doing something wrong or over analyze what they're thinking about me. I wish I could just be happy.

My problems seem so petty and insignificant compared to others. So, I doubt my issues and I doubt my sadness and I make things worse because I tell myself to be quiet and then I carry it around for several more months or years.

When I feel like this, I don't know which way is up and which way is down. I can't tell if its actually the PMDD or if I'm just a sorry loser. My self-esteem goes to the crapper and I can't handle ANYTHING! I doubt that I'm capable of anything good.

I'm so close to graduation, but I have this incessant fear in the back of my mind telling me that I'm so close, but I'm not going to make it. That's where I'm at right now. I don't feel like I'm going to make it. I keep telling myself to plug along - to keep going - to keep trying - to keep hoping - to keep praying - to keep seeking - to keep trusting - to keep believing.

My bad days aren't like the "typical" bad days. My bad days are trying to encourage myself that my life is worth living. That it feels good to breath. That things are not always what they seem. I'm so scared that this wretched disorder is going to ruin my life - my mind - for good and I won't be able to encourage myself or anyone else ever again.

I'm hurting so much and I don't know what to do to make it stop. I don't know where to go and I don't know how this is going to be OK. I feel so close to everything, but so far away.

----edit-----

This song has been stuck in my head all day and its what's getting me through right now. I hope it speaks to your heart like its doing mine.

 

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