Peace

The same word has been popping up all over the place.  Peace.

I hear it in the Christmas music.  Peace on Earth.  Sleep in Heavenly Peace. 

I hear it in country music (that I'm forced to listen to - not by my own accord!)  Let there be peace on Earth and let it begin with me.

I read in my devotion last night.

Peace is something I've been searching for for a long time.  What does it mean to be at peace?  What does this peace feel like?

I've been carrying around a lot of bitterness and anger for many years.  I've been carrying around burdens that are not my own.  I've been carrying around things that I long told God I would give to Him - that He's asked me to give to Him.

So many people in this world are hurting from so many different things.  Many people don't feel like anyone gives a crap about them, that no one cares to know who they are or what they have to offer. 

What does peace have to do with that?  I'm not sure.  I'm still trying to put all these thoughts and feelings together.

Dealing with PMDD has not allowed many peaceful times.  It feels like I'm always picking up broken pieces - pieces that I've broken, pieces of my heart, pieces from shattered relationships.  No time to truly mend and heal.  No time to bask in peace. 

I still don't know what it looks like.  I don't know what it feels like.  But I feel like I'm closer than ever to finding out.