Drowning

I feel like nobody cares.  Like I’m being swept away by nothingness and an abundance of emotions all at the same time.

I always find myself back in this spot.  Caring when others tell me not to.  Caring and expecting when I know nothing is going to change.  So it makes me want to scream and it makes me want to shake people….but I know it won’t make them give a damn about me or my problems.

All I want…all anyone really wants is to be loved.

All I want is to be acknowledged.

All I want is to know that I’m not alone in this world.

All I want is to know that someone cares about me – that someone misses me.

But all I’m left to face is emptiness.  All I’m left to face is people who already have their own lives and not enough space to welcome in another soul.  And I’m left with questions.

I question my worth.

I question my existence.

Am I worth loving?  Am I worth caring about?  Am I worth the breath that I breathe?

If I am, then why doesn’t anyone care and why must I continually walk this path alone?

If I am, then why when I’m hurting and need a kind word – all I get is silence. 

A person can only take loneliness for so long before it consumes them and ruins anything worthwhile. 

It seeps deep into their soul and turns all light black.  It seeps in and suffocates the life that use to be there.  It feels like I’m drowning and trying to desperately gasp for air…the air that will fill my lungs with life once again.

I hate feeling like I’m drowning Every. Single. Month.

I hate feeling like I have to survive Every. Single. Month.

I get tired of trying.