So, it's hit me. That one day out of the month where I feel no control over my mood and it seems to consume me. The littlest and strangest things can make me feel stupid or insignificant. For example...
My dreams are starting to become boring. I use to dream about fantastical things. I use to dream about searching for something - always searching for something! Well, I dreamed about freaking deodorant last night. Yes, you read correct...deodorant. The dream went like this:
I really wanted a particular kind of deodorant. It had a shimmering, sparkly yellow top. Not that there was anything "magical" about this deodorant, no I wanted it because I like the smell. I get home to discover there is no room in my vanity for this deodorant because there is already two other ones in the vanity occupying any free room.
And that was it folks. How boring. How completely dull. I woke up and asked myself, is this what my life has come to? I dream about what deodorant I want and get upset because I have no room in my freaking vanity? Good Lord! So, it's really upset me. Why, you ask? Because I feel like I have nothing creative to give. I feel like I have nothing to offer to anyone that they could not get anywhere else. It makes my life feel meaningless and insignificant. I sit at work all day, earning a paycheck to pay my bills to go through life...but for what? Is there more than this? Is there more than having to constantly fight to stay positive and believe in one's self?
It hurts so much when I feel noone cares. I know I sound like a broken record, but that is what is truly ailing me. I don't have a close connection with anyone, but yet I give of myself until I can't give anymore...but I'm tired of giving. I'm tired of not being restored. I'm tired of feeling alone. I'm tired of dealing with this constantly. I'm tired of noone listening. I'm incredibly tired today.
0 comments:
Post a Comment